When I was growing up, I had no idea how much my life would be affected and changed by what I was taught to believe about myself, by those that shaped my view of the world. There is much about my childhood that is very painful to remember now. But, at the same time, it is important to remember the lessons learned, instead of trying delete it all. As an adult, I understand now that life really is interconnected, and that we know who we are by what others reflect back to us.
In my last post, I wrote about how the things that I identify with, are what have given me some personal context, in knowing how to overcome what was always intended to bring me down, and keep me in a place of powerlessness and desire.
For the last year or so, I have been having some reality checks, that have been moving me on a level I haven’t been able to handle in a way, that even I understood. It started with me meeting new people, who are much younger than me, at conventions and cosplay events. I don’t want casual friendships, so I seek to make a direct connection, even it means having to adjust my own ideas about things. One of my favorite movie lines is, “Don’t cross the streams.” Most people are utterly terrified of what I desire, and typically do everything within their power to keep it from affecting them, at all, because they know what it will cost them personally. I never understood why. To me, anything that makes me feel alive is worth the trouble it causes. I don’t find too many that agree, so I have become very good at checking the climate around me, before I proceed. There was a lot of very direct wisdom that was contained in such a catchy movie line. Egon, in Ghostbusters, was basically telling his friends, that the power they carried in their hands had the ability to vaporize bodies. They could be consumed in a moment by what would be released when it combines with another that carries the same level of power. This didn’t just bring me into an understanding of how intimate connections work, but how an anointing flows out of an open and pure soul.
Most people have more of an understanding of what lines they shouldn’t cross, than actually having any kind of real conviction about why they shouldn’t. They have just been indoctrinated in the fear of the potential of things. In that, I found the spiritual reality of prophetic wisdom. This usually hits a brick wall immediately, because they have only been given the understanding of carnal knowledge. This is not rocket science, as some would like to make it look. Carnal knowledge is nothing more than the ability to see a distinct difference between good and evil. Prophetic wisdom is the ability to speak life into the potential that is seen in those that possess carnal knowledge. It is a fatal mistake to assume that everything is sexual, and that it can be shut down, and smeared with shame, to keep it from being more meaningful and powerful, than is desired. My understanding of this is what brought me into a place of purity, that I had never experienced before, and didn’t know was possible. Purity is not about innocence or being naive, as people tend to assume, without much thought given to it. It becomes a snap judgment, much like anything else, that isn’t really considered worthy of understanding. I did a little word study, and discovered that the transliteration of this word means, “simple truth.” Having purity in my connections isn’t about how much I sanitize everything, or how supposedly clean it is. That is usually an overcompensation by people that are just guarding a burden of shame, while being led to believe they are being more honorable, mature, and appropriate, than people like me. I always heard that, “in every virtue, lies the seeds of it’s own destruction.” Not only is that true, but I have found that the origins of some words really carry a lot of underlying meaning, that make more sense, than we have been taught. Virtue comes from the same root word as virile, which we also associate with human sexuality. Originally, that word just meant to possess manly strength, energy, and drive. In a sense, you could say that it is the power to reproduce an influence, through the seeds that are planted in fertile places. It is having intimate access to resources that allow us to create life, that is sustainable. Virility is to a man, what fertility is to a woman, but we know that those aren’t confined to gender, and we need both to cross the the streams for new things to become possible.
When people don’t understand this, have no vision, or are choosing to remain in the same place, instead of growing in grace, they tend to misinterpret much, that was never intended to be what they made it look like. Since my truth has been put on trial my whole life, I have learned much about human nature, as well as, how things follow when people try to corrupt what is pure, by denying what they do see and understand. Unfortunately, smear campaigns are such a common part of human experience, that we know what it looks like, how it works, and why people feel it necessary, when they don’t honor their own truth. Denial becomes the tool of the deceitful and unfaithful, when they don’t see much of a chance of acquiring, or even maintaining a position of status, power, and authority. They try to ruin the reputation of whoever is actually telling the truth, moving in the right direction, or is trying to be productive in their approach. In my experience, I was always called whore, whenever I did anything right in my relationships, because that was what was deemed necessary by those that were cheating their way through everything. Every success on my part, was made to look like a failure by those that needed to protect their access to a sense of privilege. The more I succeeded in anything, the more I was punished for it, because it was viewed as an embarrassment to those, that had actually taught me to fail, by design, so that they could keep their illusions in place. When people lose the ability to control details, they seek to manipulate reality. This is why they will go out of their way to make you look like the bad guy to others. They are image crafters, instead of image bearers.
So at this point, I have discovered why people react in such odd ways to things, that should have encouraged them, and should have produced tender emotion. There are people that are so committed to living the lie they have created, that they are actually comfortable in their toxicity. Any attempt, whatsoever, to rectify that will result in them projecting the burden of whatever they are guarding onto you. It is usually shame, frustration, or some misguided desire, that isn’t rooted in reality. Pay close attention to what people say to you, when their actions are triggering your intuition. That fluttering in your stomach is not butterflies. It is the anxiety that they are producing with their underlying betrayal. It’s coming, and that’s your first warning sign.
So this leads into the reason I wrote this. The velocity of an object is the rate of change of its position with respect to a frame of reference, and is a function of time. You need both magnitude and direction to define it. The parallel I have made to this, is that deception moves quicker, than truth, and you will need a defining moment in time to make sense of it all. If you try to remove anything definitive from time, you will go crazy. Time is a temporal thing that is what we can wrap our minds around. Eternity is not like that. “Before the mountains were born, or you brought forth the whole world,
from everlasting to everlasting, you are God.” This is pretty much all we need to know about God. Before anything was created, or anyone tried to define your life with their lack of vision or understanding, He was. This frustrates some, because it seems short-sighted, but it will make more sense in what I share in my next blog post. In Hebrew, the word for Messiah is “mashach,” which also means, “to smear.” This is painfully ironic to me. When someone has an anointing for ministry on their life, it will be everlasting, because of the source of it. They will be smeared by those that don’t want to accept the power of what is being revealed to them, through what is considered temporal. To me, that is the most humbling thing ever, when eternity is being expressed through what is corruptible and can return to the dust that it was created from. Romans 8:16 tells us that this is true. “The Ruach Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.” Ruach is the Hebrew word for wind, breath, or spirit, which means it gives life, by inspiring what it considers an extension or representation of itself. If you have an understanding of human psychology, you will definitely see how narcissism is actually a spiritual counterfeit of this, in it’s bastardization of things, that were created to flow naturally and give comfort, life, freedom, and peace. It strips humanity bare of everything good and holy, in it’s lust for power. This is why sexuality becomes pornographic when it is passed through the ego. It is demoralizing, which is a perversion of it’s original purpose. Loss of joy in things that should be celebrated in beauty, is the first casualty of this.
When humanity rejects this, they will drag everything eternal down to their level of experience, and define it with their own pain, which is what will make everything toxic, that was intended to heal and restore. So they resort to smearing, not only the character of whoever they are offended by, but also the image that they were created in. It is like an inversion of purpose. The smear of anointing oil was, and has always been a commissioning to heal, what has been broken by deception and denial. This is what ministry really is. It is only complicated by human ego, which is basically just self, trying to seek it’s glory in things, that were always powerful, regardless, of what was thought and felt by the created.